My life’s work is decreasing shame and helping you learn skills which increase your ability to accept all the parts that you’d rather kick to the curb and forget about, which by the way isn’t even possible, so sorry, bro. I’m a Shadow Walker. I just made that term up but it sounds cool doesn’t it? It isn’t really. I decided to spend my life directing focus on the areas people least want to talk about! So here we are, now let’s talk.
Something that has always bothered me is the concept of releasing negative parts, clearing out, moving up and out, transforming, etc.. The underlying energy of those efforts carries the tone of “get rid of” this icky thing that’s spoiling all my fun. Even when we’re courageously trying to welcome home our bitchy, shitty, petty parts, we’re still subtly pushing against, still trying to send parts into exile.
Here’s the thing that is counter intuitive:you must accept it, whatever it is, first. Every behavior has a reason, a logic to it, living underneath the surface of your awareness. The most seemingly illogical actions and compulsions, are serving some purpose in your system of body, mind and Spirit. A part of you is trying to serve you, protect you, save you in some way. Trying to get rid of something that’s serving a purpose activates fear. Fear makes the thing you’re trying to pry loose from, cling to you even harder, like a barnacle on a boat and just as ugly. Reverse engines and figure out that purpose and your work is 75% complete. The rest is breathing into and through a blast of emotion(s), and then changing your habitual response to people, places and things.
In asking to understand a negative thought pattern or behavior, you’re inviting the part of you that holds the knowledge to speak up. It might speak up through dreams, or the synchronicity of hearing a song, finding a book or just the right teacher to help you wake up to the Truth. You may be washing dishes and remember that as a child you ate when you were scared and it worked so well that you kept doing it.
Now, when you try to stop emotionally eating, your system panics because you’re getting rid of a survival skill! PANIC ALARM! WHOOP! WHOOP! Set sail, full steam ahead, for the cheese fries! All hands on the popcorn bowl! Batten down the brownies boys, there’s a storm a-comin’!
Do you see? Can you see that you are not a failure? Can you see that your repetitive patterns might be trying to literally keep you alive? Would you be willing for one single nanosecond to say to yourself, “Thank you for serving and saving me. Now can we talk? Will you help me understand why I’m only attracted to the biggest asshole guy in the entire area? Would you show me what going numb with potato chips is helping me to live? Would you help me see why money coming in is sending me into nausea or frantically spending even more? Thank you, sweet system, for helping me stay alive in the only way you knew how!”
Can you feel the difference between these statements? “I’m releasing my negative patterns with money now!” vs. “I pray to understand my patterns with money.” or “I feel confused and I am willing to understand my patterns with money now.” Do you see how one labels your survival skills as “bad” and the others invite information?
What you information can you invite in today? What questions can you ask that would lead you to feeling a scrap of compassion for your talented system? What patterns or tendencies are you willing to pray for understanding about right now?
One of my sharpest skills, besides tying a cherry stem in a knot with my tongue, is helping people discover what purpose is underlying their behaviors and patterns. If you’d like to be coached by me please see the tabs at the top of this website and also look at the list under Offerings or even better book a 15 minute free discovery call with me here.