Don’t Ever Change

I don’t know about you but I am pretty tired of being told directly or indirectly that I need to change. I’m tired of thoughts that are constantly tweaking on tweaking. Well if I could just do this a little less or a little more or not at all. If he would just, if she would just, if they would just fucking just!

Yeahhhhh, I’m done.

I see a lot of overwhelmed women and it lights a fire in me to offer them too much in the hopes that they’ll find the strength and power that I can see trying to wave them down but they’re Just Too Busy or Just Too Tired to see. So they keep running, ragged and panting and I’ve been running right behind them shouting that there’s a better way. Sort of like how I’m always looking for the better way. There has to be a better way, right?

Or does there?

What if the running themselves ragged is exactly appropriate. Who am I to say they should speak up, own their power, sing their song? Sure, I know how good it feels to be free for myself. But that good free expansive feeling might not be “right” for everyone or anyone. I’m not being facetious here at all – it’s not my business if anyone ever stands up for themselves and finds their authenticity.

My business, your business, God’s business. Whose business are you in?  ~ Byron Katie.

It struck me last month at the LEAP retreat when I was again in a very large crowd and could see all the patterns and stories playing out all over the room that it was ALL OK. It really was fine and perfectly wonderful. Less chaos, more multi-colored tapestry. Less drowning, more surfing.

I’m an empath and can sit in a room of over a hundred people and be fine. I can march in downtown Atlanta with 65,000 people and be fine. We can see and feel the swirl of it all as it goes right on through no different from when the wind blows and slipstreams right around us. Acceptance gets you here.

Just because I can see it doesn’t make it my responsibility to change it/fix it/tweak it or even comment on it. How arrogant to even try with any hint of attachment to an outcome.

If the picture in someone’s home is hanging slightly askew I don’t need to reach out and straighten it. I don’t need to tuck in someone’s shirt tag (this is rhetorical as I don’t give a fuck about shirt tags yours or mine but I’ve seen this happen and been appalled.) I don’t need you to wear shorts that cover your lady parts or stop smoking or make decisions faster or stop eating sugar or stop letting yourself be silenced or write that book or paint that painting or launch that course that’s burning up your belly with inflammation and pain. If my husband has the makings of a brilliant mechanical engineer but flat out refuses to go to school, it’s ok. He doesn’t need to change either. 

A big one for me over the last year has been coming to the understanding that I don’t need anyone to stop lying so I can feel safe. Isn’t the ability to see/hear/feel the lie in action already safety enough? By seeing the lie doesn’t that mean I can consciously and lovingly choose to stay near or go far far away? Yes, it does. As Jody says, “We don’t need to be the Integrity Police.” I only have to tell myself the Truth, I don’t have to spend any energy trying the change the reality that there is a lie here somewhere. As soul sister, Elisha said once, “The Warrior fights last.” When you are empowered you don’t have to come out swinging and wear yourself out. You can stay awake and settled in love. You can observe, take notes and evaluate options. You don’t activate your Army of Justice unless you really need to do so and only after you’ve tried other methods that feel like Ease, Peace, and Joy which looks like a lot of Truth telling.

You eat, breathe, live and make love to the Truth. The Truth really does set you free. Telling the Truth is the first step to empowerment.

You do not have to change. “Trying” to change has left you with mighty strange looking brick prints in your forehead. Stop it.

If you are frazzled and your neck hurts from swiveling around trying to catch and meet everyone’s demands it’s ok. Tell yourself the truth: right now I am choosing to live an overwhelmed existence and that is my right. Conscious Empowerment.

If you are isolating because you haven’t yet found comfort in saying the Sacred No and setting limits it’s ok. Tell yourself the truth: right now I am choosing loneliness over hurting other people’s feelings by saying no and having boundaries. I have the freedom to decide my response to the world. Claiming Ability and Right to Choose.

If you are overeating, eating food you know makes you sick, drinking too much, Facebooking too much it’s ok. Tell yourself the truth: right now there are some Big Feels that I’m just not prepared or skilled enough to process, maybe I never will process them and it’s ok. I have the right to decide when, where, how and IF I process my past/present/future emotions. Owning and Respecting Current Limits.

By simply and truthfully owning what you are choosing to do / not do (and it is all a choice) you are offering yourself deep acceptance, spacious grace and the opportunity to awaken.  You are letting go the hook of trigger or shenpa and if ever there was a hook you want to let go of it’s that one. If you don’t have to hide parts of yourself from your consciousness then it becomes safe to awaken more and more over time.

An awakened life is terrifyingly beautiful. I wish it for everyone AND no one has to change.

Deep acceptance leads to compassion. Spacious grace leads to deep breathing and more compassion. Acceptance opens the way for effortless, kind, non-shaming empowered change. If you push against an issue your hand is touching it so it can’t let go and it takes two of your inner people to tug a rope. Only one of you has to drop your end and it’s over. Sweet blessed relief.

Don’t ever change. Love.  Own.  Accept. Choose. Tell the Truth even if only to yourself and before you know it life will…well…change.